No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i think we sleep fucked last night...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
