that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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