so explain again why im purple
no
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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