your parents love me but you hate me
she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just want nice things and good sex
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
