Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
