Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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