so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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