I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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