You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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