I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
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It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize