was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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