i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize