It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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