38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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