i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
