This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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