North Korea, Best Korea!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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