Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
