the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
