Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize