Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
