Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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