babies were throwing up all over the place
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
