No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
