Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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