What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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