they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
