You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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