around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
