It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
