Im at strip club and am horny
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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