I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
