STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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