I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
