Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
