Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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