I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
