I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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