it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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