We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
