Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
