she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
