We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
