i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
