can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
