saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Randomize