I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
A+ Viking dick
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
