My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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