I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
