If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
