We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it's not cheating when I paid for it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
