I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
