Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
my poor anus
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
